1. “Are you dating anyone?”
We’re Facebook friends, grandma. You already know the answer to this.
3. “So, Obamacare has been a total disaster, amiright?”
Oh good, the obnoxious gloating I ordered is here.
4. “How has the weight loss been going?”
Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of pie.
5. “Are you still a vegetarian/vegan?”
My diet preferences are not a coat, I’m not going to outgrow them.
6. “Can you figure out how to get our iPhones to do [something that’s either basic, or actually impossible]?”
Please stop trying to put the USB plug into the wall socket, ma.
7. “What do you think is going to happen to that Edward Snowden asshole?”
That’s really a question for Russia, grandpa.
8. “Can you stay longer?”
No amount of sad puppy looks are going to get me out of this flight change fee.
12. “Are you and [your SO] ever planning on getting married?”
This question is twice as fun when your SO is in the room.
14. “When can we come visit you?”
You can come when all ten of you can fit on the same crappy pull-out couch.
15. “I hear your Twitter is hilarious. Can I follow you?”
Sure, let me just delete everything on it.
17. “Will you come watch [a movie that we don’t know has a sex scene] with us?”
Don’t mind me, I’m just going to take a convenient bathroom break 42 minutes in.
18. “When do you plan on giving us grandchildren?”
If you ask for that one more time, we are turning around this car and going straight home, mom.
19. “You’re so far away, have you ever thought about moving back home?”
20. “Why don’t you come visit us more often?”
I love you, but I love being able to pay my bills more.